Looking for meaning

I like to think that everything happens for a reason.

Before my accident on Tuesday of last week, I was in the best shape of my life. Weighed the same amount I did as a junior in high school. Was having my best mountain bike season since moving to Colorado, and was feeling fit and energized! I had just returned from a 3 week break from training while in IL visiting family and baptizing our daughter, and was getting back in shape for the 2nd part of the local race series. I have to admit, I was feeling better than I have felt in a while! Skinny and strong and ready to compete in the expert category for the rest of the series!

That all came crashing down around me towards the end of a 4 hour ride when I hit I know not what, had the handlebars ripped from my hands and landed on my face skidding to a stop. Alone, on a dirt road, and no clue what had happened, I was just trying to figure out what to do next. How to get help.

Why do these things happen? Why did this happen? Why, when everything was going so good?

I have spent many days sitting at home thinking, reflecting, wondering what the meaning is.

I've come up with this:

My life was out of balance.... Sure I was in amazing shape, sure I was feeling amazing, but other things were out of balance. I am not sure I was spending too much time training, as much as I was just too focused on my own personal goals, and not enough so on those around me, and enjoying life around me.

Out of balance

Colorado means to me.... fly fishing, hiking, backpacking, snowboarding, skiing, exploring, long scenic drives, wonderful summertime temps, picnics, bike rides, craft beers and local breweries,  I'm sure there are more. But when it came down to it and I have had any chances to do anything, I have always chosen the bike. It's been a constant struggle ever since I started riding and has a lot to do with my competitiveness and wanting to be the best that I can be, but I've always had trouble balancing training with focusing on family and other activities. I have to continue to remember that I am not a professional cyclist, and I don't get paid to ride and race, and that it may be ok sometimes to skip a planned ride to do something else enjoyable.

This crash has effectively ended my season. I have competed in 1 race, along with 2 short track races early in the season. Tomorrow I have surgery to repair my cheekbone in Vail. The doctor has recommended I don't ride a bike for a month after to give everything time to heal. This will give me the next couple of months to focus my energy on my wife and family. To try some other activities such as fly fishing that I have been missing so much. I would love to take Cayle fishing! I want to get some nice hikes in sometime soon. I want to get more involved with life....

I cannot thank my wife enough for caring for me and picking up the slack while I have been recovering. But hopefully I can spend the next couple of months before school begins trying to make it up to her.

I know I will be anxious to get back on the bike, and begin riding again in a month or so, but in the meantime I will enjoy my time off to the max.


Time to get some balance back in my life. Time to focus on the things that are really important. Time to focus on finding a balance.